How I Met My Wife -- This is today's Jumbo Joke, but it's not really a joke per se. It's a wonderful play on language, originally published in the New Yorker, according to a note on the site. It begins:
It had been a rough day, so when I walked into the party I was very chalant, despite my efforts to appear gruntled and consolate.
I was furling my wieldy umbrella for the coat check when I saw her standing alone in a corner. She was a descript person, a woman in a state of total array. Her hair was kempt, her clothing shevelled, and she moved in a gainly way.
Definitely read the rest. :)